The Ruffled Sheets Beginners’ Guide to Male Chastity Play

So, you want to try a chastity device? Or maybe your partner wants you to wear one? Perhaps you’re reading this as you want your partner to wear one for you. Whatever your reason is for being here, you’re doing the right thing! So many people jump into chastity without really knowing what to expect or what the best way to do things is. I’ve been wearing chastity devices for years now. I have 13 of them and hopefully the tips and tricks I’ve learned through trial and error can help you have a smoother ride than perhaps you would otherwise have. Here is a brief ten point plan for chastity joy:

  • Can you already abstain from orgasms?

It’s common for people to try chastity and orgasm denial all in one go. It is also common to see people trying chastity device to prevent porn addiction. Whilst it may seem very hot to have your first denial period locked in a device, the reality is that you’re probably not ready. Coping with a chastity device is a big change in itself. If you’re already distracted by your desire to orgasm, it won’t make things any easier. Try abstaining for a few days, first. Even if you’ve never abstained before, you should be able to go for a week without any self discipline issues. My first denial period was for two weeks and I was fine. Once you’ve done this and are used to the feelings accompanied with abstinence, you’ll be ready to try an actual device.

  • Do you have the right size device?

Lots of people buy devices that don’t fit properly which, whether too big or too small, will cause issues. Buying the correct size isn’t easy. In fact, you might not know which size is best until you actually try one. This is why it’s often best to buy a device that is customisable for your first time. The cage portion of the device isn’t as important as the ring at the back so devices with multiple rings like the CB-6000 and the Bon4 are great. If the cage is too tight or too big, it won’t cause you any discomfort. If the back ring is the wrong size however, it will either chafe a lot, slip off or, worse still, prevent blood flow and cause injuries. If you can afford to buy a device with many rings then I recommend doing so.

  • Do you have the right style device?

I’ll assume that, as it’s your first device, you’re going to buy a standard “ball-trap” device. These are the most common, most practical and the cheapest option. Of course you could go straight for a full locking belt, but most people won’t want to go to those lengths, at least at first. So which device is for you? I’ll assume you’ve already measured yourself (whilst flaccid) and have an idea of which size device you need. But which style? There are many different designs, each of which has its own pros and cons. The two devices I mentioned before (the CB-6000 and Bon4) are both very comfortable designs, but they’re quite enclosed. This means that you won’t be able to wear them indefinitely without removing them to clean both yourself and the device. They’ll be fine for a few days (providing you clean yourself thoroughly in the shower), but you can’t wear them forever like you can a more open design. To have a more open design, you’ll need to have a device crafted from metal. Steel devices (that are often chrome plated) are relatively cheap, but will rust over time. Stainless steel devices are a little more expensive and titanium is even more so. On the plus side, there are many manufacturers that can craft you a completely custom design for an absolutely perfect fit out of the metal of your choice, but these are expensive. To start off with, unless taking it off to clean every few days is completely out of the question (for example, if you have an online keyholder), an enclosed device with plenty of different sizing options is probably best, at least until you know the exact size you need (when you can then order a custom device, if you so choose). Please also bear in mind that no device of this style will be 100% secure and even if you make it secure with a PA piercing, it won’t prevent you from achieving orgasm. Even a full belt device won’t be able to prevent orgasm if you hold a Hitachi Magic Wand against it for a period of time. This means that you still need some self discipline. The good news is that it becomes easier over time, so just keep at it and you’ll be fine.

  • Have you prepared your skin?

Too many people buy chastity devices and just put them on, expecting them to work perfectly without any extra work. This is like buying a huge anal dildo and just ramming it home without any lube, expecting nothing bad to happen. Preparation can make a huge difference. For your first time, trim your hair so it’s short around your crotch, but not completely smooth. Sure, it looks sexy to be completely smooth when wearing a device. That’s certainly the way I prefer to be. But, if it’s your first time, it will cause irritation as you won’t be used to the ring rubbing against your skin. Cropped hair will prevent it from becoming tangled up in the device and being pulled accidentally. It will also provide a small amount of protection from the back ring to help prevent chafing. One other thing to do before you slip it on is to apply lube. I find water based lube to be the easiest and most mess free solution. Something thick, like Sliquid Organics, will work well. Applying a little lube to your skin will enable the device to move freely, which is what you want. You don’t want the device to slip off, but if it can’t move then there will be an area of skin that is unable to breathe. Applying lube (and reapplying it when you need to) is always a good idea, but particularly important with silicone devices like the Bon4, as they’re grippier than their polycarbonate or metal counterparts.

  • Don’t try it for too long for your first time.

I know it may seem very hot to buy a device then simply hand over the key to your partner or Mistress. That’s what dreams are made of, right? Sadly, they are just dreams. In reality, you’ll need a small amount of time before you’re ready for that. Jumping straight into 24/7 chastity will cause you problems. Try it first for a short period of time (an hour for example). After an hour or two is up, take the device off and give your skin a break for a while (you can always put it back on again afterwards). During the first period with it on, regularly assess how you feel. It’s best for you to be at home for your first time so you can regularly check yourself to see if it fits well. Bear in mind that the first time you put it on, you’ll probably be quite turned on and bigger than usual (I know I was, it took me ages before I could even manage to fit it). When you have calmed down, which may take a while, you will settle down to normal. This is the size you need to be measuring for. When everything is calm, check that the ring is the right size. If you have many rings then you can change it, if necessary. Once you have the right size, you can begin to increase the time you wear it for. If you’ve managed a couple of hours and everything is fine, why not try a whole day? Be sure to carry some lube with you (as you’ll definitely need to reapply it a few times) and a spare key in case it’s too painful and you need to remove it quickly (do try not to though, the key is for emergency use only). Once you’ve managed a whole day, take it off before bed and give your skin a break again and put it back on again in the morning.

  • Don’t go straight to sleeping with it on.

Once you’ve gone a couple of days without issue you can try wearing it overnight. If you’re not used to how it feels then sleeping with it on will be very uncomfortable. I won’t kid you, sleeping is the hardest thing to acclimatise to. Your body will be trying to give you night time erections and you won’t be able to reapply lube when you’re asleep, both of which don’t make it easy. When you’re ready, give yourself an hour or so off before bed then put it on before you turn out the light. Apply plenty of lube beforehand and try to sleep. I don’t normally advise masturbation in posts about chastity, but this is the one time (if you’re allowed) that giving yourself an orgasm will help you, as your body won’t be giving you as many erections as when you haven’t ejaculated for some time. Even if you do orgasm beforehand, your first night may not be completely comfortable, so try it on a Friday night, at the weekend, or when you can have a lie in and a semi-sleepless night won’t do you any harm. If you do find yourself woken up by a night time erection, don’t panic, this is completely normal. Laying there and hoping it will go away soon may seem like the easiest option, but it never works. The best thing you can do is to go for a walk around. If you can manage to go to the bathroom, that will help as well. A full bladder can apply pressure to the prostate, which is one cause of night time erections. Going to the bathroom will alleviate this and simply walking around will help you go flaccid again in no time at all. Laying still will just take too long and can be quite painful. If you do find you cannot go back to sleep, give yourself a break, remove the device and try again the following evening. Don’t do this more than a couple of times, though. After that, you’re just going to have to push through and go the whole night with it on. Don’t worry, it’s a lot easier once you’re used to it. You’ll be sleeping through the night in no time!

  • Keep a spare key.

Even though the thought of a single key dangling around the ankle of your Mistress may be the very reason you entered into chastity, keep a spare key at the beginning, or at least have a quick way to break free of the device should you need to (in an emergency). There are many ways to do this and still keep secure. You could use those plastic, tamper-proof, single use locks. They’re not expensive and your Mistress can keep an eye on the serial number to see how long you’re keeping it on for. These are great, but probably a little extravagant until you’re wearing the device for at least a few days. A spare key in a small key safe can be a good idea. The only thing is, you’ll need a quick way to obtain the combination from your keyholder. If they’re in a business meeting, they may not be entirely pleased with you interrupting it. The way I’ve done it in the past is to have a spare key in a sealed envelope. You can ask your keyholder to sign their name across the seal, for added peace of mind. If you keep it with you, you’ll never be in danger. Of course, if you have a polycarbonate device (like a CB-6000) and are strong, in an absolute emergency you may be able to snap the rods holding the cage to the back ring. This can become expensive however, and quite dangerous. Keeping a spare key is the best way forward, at least initially, until you are completely confident you can wear your device indefinitely.

  • Take your time.

It may be that you take to the device exceptionally well. I know I was so keen to be locked in chastity that I slept with it on immediately and just pushed through the awkwardness of the first few nights with very little sleep. In hindsight, this probably wasn’t the best idea, but I was just so keen, as I’m sure many of you are! If it takes a bit longer though, don’t worry. Just don’t give in. Keep pushing forward and, with a bit of effort, you should be sleeping through the night and able to wear your device indefinitely (except for cleaning) after a week or two.

  • Enjoy it!

This is the most important point. Chastity is fun! Most people enjoy it straight away but even those who don’t often find it pleasurable over time. If you need any motivation, think about how pleased your keyholder will be with you. Think about how amazing your next orgasm will be, how intense it will feel to ejaculate after such a long time. Think about how comforting it is to have a partner/keyholder who is willing to take the time and effort to hold your keys. Over time, I’m sure you’ll come to love every moment of chastity, as I do. When I started, I used to think about orgasms and being teased. Now I enjoy the feeling of intense arousal so much, I often don’t like it when I’m made to orgasm! After two or three weeks in a device I feel amazing. All of that goes when I orgasm so I don’t like to do it, most of the time. I’d rather not sacrifice a few seconds of pleasure for the ongoing feelings that can only be experienced with prolonged chastity.

  • Give the key to someone else.

You’d think that this wouldn’t need to be said, but I hear all the time of people who are afraid or nervous of giving up that level of control. Let me tell you this: This is where the real fun begins! Now everybody starts off as a fantasist. The idea of being in chastity, of being denied an orgasm for months on end is probably a huge turn on, enough of a turn on that you probably masturbate thinking about it every night. But until you actually, physically hand your key over to another, you’ll never experience how good it feels to be in enforced chastity. I’m sure you’ve given yourself reasons why it cannot be done. You don’t want people to see your device through your clothes, you go to the gym, or whatever. They’re not reasons, they’re excuses, and bad ones. I wear a business suit every day with a chastity device underneath. I train in a public gym and shower with it on. It’s easy enough to hide under a towel and nobody can see my device through my suit as I wear tight underwear. Just bite the bullet, wear your device full time and hand over your key. Being in chastity is physically immense fun, but this is multiplied many times over by actually being controlled by another. You won’t regret it!

So, with those in mind, you’re now ready to take your chastity fantasy to the next level. Are you willing to take it to the next stage, buy a device and then finally hand over your key…?